After spending the day in San Jose, I headed to the airport to meet my sister on her arriving flight. I somehow managed to arrive an hour early, so grabbing a cup of coffee, I parked it to begin my wait. As the people started to trickle out, I spotted my sister’s bright blonde hair in the crowd. As she came closer, I saw she was walking with another blonde-headed girl. Cool, I thought…she made a friend. Then I realized I knew exactly who she was with…my cousin.
I was shocked. I had just talked to my cousin a few days before, and not once did she mention coming to Costa Rica. They decided to get all fancy and pull a little surprise on me. As soon as I heard their shrieking voices, I knew I was in for an interesting trip.
“Eric! Look, we bought a huge bottle of vodka for the plane ride. Every time someone talked on the intercom, we took a shot. We are soooo drunk right now!” they screamed.
Oh hell no…they are already stressing me out. I can’t handle this.
Time out. First off, I need to describe my relationship with these girls. My sister and I couldn’t stand each other until a few years ago. Growing up, we would solve conflicts by who could hit the other the hardest. For some reason, she always won. My cousin…we have a story. We’ve never really been able to stand each other, but for some reason we enjoy hanging out. If we make it past three hours without pissing each other off…it’s a miracle. She use to also beat me up in our younger days…actually, even to this day, she can still probably kick my ass.
So after exchanging our initial greetings, we caught a cab to the city. The girls were armed with their lepoard coated suitcases, fashion designer pursues, hair straighteners, and of course, a giant make-up collection that creates jealousy among all other women encountered.
“So Eric, what resort are we going to?”
“Resort??? Ya right. We’re hosteling and roughing it.”
“Oh my gosh! Look, Denny’s! And Pizza Hut! Eric, can we please go to Pizza Hut?”
“I’m allergic to pizza.”
“Wait…important question. How do you say shot in Spanish?”
For the rest of the cab ride, we had conversations such as that. Arriving at our hostel, I think the girls were a little taken back. But I was proud of them…they embraced the environment with open arms…sort of. We spent the rest of the night trying to figure out what the hell we were going to do the next day, and finally made our decision. We would head up to Tamarindo, which is on the north Pacific coast. Plagued with tourists, I wasn’t looking forward to the selected location, yet was excited to visit with these girls.
I woke the girls up the next morning, and was instantly reminded that they are not morning people. Once I finally had them moving, they asked me to cook them breakfast while they straighten and blow dry their hair. I then asked them if they could wipe my ass…their answer was what I provide to them. We then headed to the bus station, with my cousin raving on how excited she was about the upcoming journey.
“Eric, this will be so much fun! I’m looking forward to the bus ride.”
“You realize that these aren’t the nicest buses, the roads are extremely difficult to navigate, there is no bathroom on board, and you will be sitting next to some guy who probably smells like his butt hole, right?”
“Oh. Anyways, it’ll still be fun.”
Within an hour, they both started to ask me if we were there yet. I would polietly reply not yet, and within five minutes, the question would be proposed again.
“Eric, we there yet?”
“Nope. Another four hours.” Five minutes then pass.
“Eric, how much further?”
“But you said four hours five minutes ago.”
“I’m a compulsive liar. Plus, you’re annoying the crap out of me, so I’m going to do whatever I can to return the favor.”
When we arrived at Tamarindo, I could not have asked for a better scenario. It was humid and raining, so of couse the girls were complaining about the future of their hair. To make it even better, we had muddy roads before us. So try to imagine what I was working with. Two high maintenance girls walking in the rain while pulling a roller suitcase along dirt roads filled with potholes. I couldn’t have been laughing harder.
I finally took pity and found a place for them to stand while I searched out a hostel. I returned about twenty minutes later to escort them to our destination for the evening. Upon arrival, I suggested that we all cook dinner, yet their response was laughter. Refusing to cook at all on their vacation, they headed out to a fancy restaurant while I hit the kitchen in hopes of cooking up a masterpiece.
Wow…this will be an interesting week.