The Closing of the Theater Festival

Since my arrival in Bogotá, the Ibero-American theater festival has been in full swing. When I heard about the closing ceremony, I knew this was something I could not miss.

I knew it would probably be crowded, but I never thought it would be as crowded as it was. A few of us made our way to the stage, attempting to get as close as possible. My best guest, there was at least a hundred thousand people there. I wasn’t expecting this at all. I seriously thought there might be a few hundred people, we’d find some nice seats, and I can sneak in a bottle of liquor in to pass around. Wow… that was quite far from reality.

As we made our way through the crowd, we kept looking out to make sure everyone stayed together. People were shoulder to shoulder, which also makes a perfect place for pick-pocketers. But see, considering I have the muscular build similar to Brad Pitt, I knew I would not be messed with.

We began to make our way to an opening that had some space for us to stand. As we headed up, I reached in my back pocket to ensure my wallet was there. I felt nothing. It was gone. Damn. They messed with me. My wallet was stolen.

Did the robber not know who I was? I’m Eric freaking #&#$& (won’t state my last name because of cyber stalkers who might send me naked pictures of themselves). And they decided to steal my freaking wallet! Bastard.

The thing is, I really didn’t lose that much. I only had about thirty dollars of Colombian pesos and my driver’s license. But see, that driver’s license was priceless. That photo is the best one I have ever taken…. period. When I try to pick up girls, instead of having them look at my face (which is sure to scare them away), I have them look at my driver’s license. What was I supposed to do now?

Alright, no more picking up girls. Time to brush it off and enjoy the theater festival. When we finally arrived at our desired location, it was about 5:30. I thought the program would kick off at 7, but come 7:20, I realized I still had more time to wait. The wait wasn’t bad, except that the entire crowd wanted to sit down. If you didn’t sit, they all began to yell at you. The problem I faced was the lack of flexibility I have. See, for most “normal” people, they can sit with their legs crossed. For me, this is incredibly painful… yet I was subjected to this torture for nearly three hours.

As I sat there, I thought about trying to talk to some girls. But, since I didn’t have my driver’s license, I chickened out. So, I had time to sit there and think how stupid I was. If only I would have done that pointless yoga class, I might have not been in such incredible pain. Note to self… start yoga.

Finally the show kicked off. At this time, I swear, the gods of flexibility were looking out and took pity on me. Everyone began to stand up, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. The show lasted about an hour, and was pretty amazing. I’m not exactly sure what the story line was, but it consisted of lights and fire. When things get blown up, I’m interested.

I relied on Cliff Notes to get throughout school. Thus, I’m a huge fan. The Cliff Notes version of the show: Boom, boom, boom, dance, lights, boom, BOOM!

As we began to walk out, a girl flashed me a smile. I was confused. Since I didn’t have my driver’s license (stupid robber), I didn’t know what to do. So I began to cry like a little pathetic girl… and continued to walk on.

No more drivers’ license for me.  Damn robber.

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Filed under Bogota, Colombia

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