My Lack of Writing

Dear Readers,

I come baring a heavy heart, filled with apologetic statements. I realize each and every one of you eagerly awaits a new entry every single morning. When nothing comes, you then enter a downward spiral of an infinite abyss. I shouldn’t make excuses, but that’s exactly what I am about to do.

Why have I not been writing? It’s complicated. But, to make a long story short, I’m having trouble with my editor based out of London, England. Since I only believe in the highest quality of reporting possible, I have employed a staff of hundreds to ensure that my rigorous standards are being met each and every single day. Although I am the boss, they tend to put me in my place. Thus, revision after revision has been sent to London, yet for some reason my writings do not get approved. I continuously receive an email that accurately describes how not a single fact stated could be verified… meaning, I’m full of b.s..

It’s been a hard couple of weeks dealing with this type of rejection. I have about six different essays in the making, but until my editor approves, they cannot be published.

Horrible, I know.

How have I been dealing with my rejection? Several facets I have recently undertaken…

1. Puppies. I use to hate these things, but when I feel down, I run to the puppy store and hold them. No matter how horrible of a person I may be, they look at me and still love me. This is mostly in part because they are too dumb to realize anything else, but hey, I still feel the love.

2. Tequila suicides, minus the tequila. I have actively pursued the idea of opening a bar, and one drink idea I created upon a few years back is a tequila suicide. A snort of salt, a squeeze of lime in the eye, and a shot of the worst tequila I can find. When I receive another rejection letter, I partake in a tequila suicide, minus the tequila.

3. Karaoke. I have been blessed with an amazing voice (yet for some reason, no one else seems to agree), thus, I go to the bar and sing my heart out. I tend to favor Celine Dion, The Power of Love. It reminds me that there is hope, and I am not truly a pathetic waste of oxygen.

Alright, I’m sorry, but I lied. I know it’s hard to believe, but I cannot afford to employ a staff of hundreds. The real reason nothing has recently been published is that I have been extremely busy. Between a mixture of teaching, studying, and spending time with my girlfriend, it just has not been feasible.

Ehhh… once again, that’s a lie. I may be busy (sometimes), I also find myself sitting in my room, staring out of my window and enjoying the view. Maybe that is what has been distracting me?

Feel free to write my editors and tell them how pathetic they are.

Thank you very much.

With all the love in the world,

Eric

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6 Comments

Filed under Bogota, Colombia

6 responses to “My Lack of Writing

  1. alejandro d'brot!

    puppies… oh man! love those things! good stuff man. i think i cried i was laughing so hard. actually that’s a lie. I’m at work. i didn’t cry. and i didn’t laugh hard. on the outside. on the inside though… it was uproarious laughter.

    Thanks for the humor, man.

  2. Levi

    Finally, I can move on with my life, now that there has been another update. Thank you, Mr. Tabone! I’ll write a letter to the editor for you…

  3. Dad

    get a job,
    Love Dad

  4. Pomp

    Classic Tabone humor. Don’t have too much fun, friend.

  5. Skains

    I’m just glad you’re not dead.

  6. Susan

    I thought it was funny!

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