Dear Colombia

Dear Colombia,

I want to thank you for the amazing experiences I have had since arriving. My decision to quit my life and move here was one of the best I have ever made, and am very happy of what I have accomplished since arriving. But, happiness also brings frustrations. With that said, there are certain things we need to talk about. Like I said, I love you dearly. But in reality, I believe you do things to intentionally make me mad. In order for our relationship to work, there are certain things I need you to work on.

I understand that as a joke, you like to make it difficult for me to get a visa. Instead of streamlining the process, you would like me to wait for hours just to find out I have been standing in the wrong line. When I finally find the right line, I am then told that my photo is the wrong color. Once I get the correct photo, I began to wait in line again. But, considering that no government employee should ever work more than 28 hours a week, at three in the afternoon I am told that my needs will no longer be serviced and that I should return tomorrow. I get it… it’s funny to you. But for me, after six visits to the same immigration office, I tend to get a little frustrated.

The solution may not be readily available, so I am prepared to assist you. Have you ever considered a flow chart? It can almost be a game, where you choose your own adventure. Pick A or B, and proceed from there. It’ll be fun for all, and I will no longer be pissed off.

Secondly, is it possible to calm down the protests? I realize when it’s cloudy, you decide to protest against the clouds. When the sun comes out, you decide to protest against the sun. Ok, maybe I’m overreacting. But seriously, think about how these protests affect everyone else? I love studying at the Universidad Nacional, but classes are cancelled every other week. It is nice not having to own a car, but it is gets annoying that public transportation is always being disrupted. Can we come together and think of another way to get your message across?

Next, let us talk about another point that is very dear to my heart… customer service. Since my past experience consists of managing a high-end restaurant, I feel inclined to say that I know a thing or two about customer service. Realize, it is not polite to give your clients the middle finger. This symbol is known around the world, and trust me, it is not something that will garner favor. Also, when someone comes in to the restaurant and starts to wave their hands frantically, it means they need to talk to someone. Take the leap and walk over and say hello. I know, it will push your limits, but once again, people might move away from the pissed off ways that they are so used too. When people are no longer pissed off, life is sooooo much better! Want to give it a try?

Finally, and most importantly, let us talk about time. Look, if we say we are going to meet at eight in the evening, be there at eight. Hell, I’ll even give you a thirty-minute leeway. But for you to show up at eleven? Ya… that just does not fly with me. I do not enjoy waiting for two hours wondering if my date will show. We set a time… show up at that time.

Like I have already said, I love to dearly. But in order for us to progress to the next level, we have to tackle these issues we are currently facing in our relationship.

With all the love in the world,



Filed under Bogota, Colombia

3 responses to “Dear Colombia

  1. Anonymous

    Si, ciertamente yo también tengo que hacer una carta de amor a mi país y ponerle un par de quejas sobre algunos temas también.

  2. Leo

    Good read. And really?!?!?!? 6 trips to get that visa? That’s just pushing it man! Hey, I hope when you do finally get that visa, if you haven’t already, some dude – maybe Ashton Kutcher – jumps out and says “hey your on MTV and you just got PUNKED!” LOL!

  3. Leo… I finally got everything squared away! Since being here, I have made 7 trips for the visa (I think). Sometimes it was to renew, other times it was to get other documents, etc. Pain in the ass… but hey, that’s the joy of living here 🙂

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